JDaniel slept very little at night. He seemed to want to nurse all night and sleep all day. So, I was up almost all night and tried to sleep when he sleep during the day.
Diapers were quickly filled and changed due to all the nursing.
He loved to be sung too. I sang him every church hymn, show tune, and children’s song I could think off.
He had gas a lot so; I patted his back for hours.
I was making tons of mistakes as a first time mom. During spare moments I read articles online with my husband at my side to try to weed through the good and bad advice.
Mother’s Day
My mom lived in the same town we did and I knew we were going to need to celebrate her motherhood along with my own. I made arrangements to go a Chinese restaurant, because she wanted Chinese food. I asked her about the best time to take her and she mentioned lunch time would be great.
It turned out to be a bad time for JDaniel. He wanted to be held the whole time we were at the restaurant by only his mama. He won’t let my husband or my mom hold him at all. After that was established as the way it was going to be, they went for multiple visits to the buffet and relished the great selection of foods they were eating.
What was I doing? Well, I sat in a vinyl booth holding the strong willed yet lovable baby that had allowed me to become a mama waiting for my husband to return with my lunch. Then I tried to eat while my son stared up at me with his bright blue eyes plotting when to cry next. The thought that was flying through my head was why wasn’t enjoying Mother’s Day as much as my husband and mom seemed to be.
During the car ride home, I felt frustrated and slightly bent of shape. Mother’s Day didn’t seemed be about me. In fact it seemed to be about every mom except me.
Far From the Perfect Gift
I did get a Mother’s Day gift from my husband and JDaniel that was supposed to show me that I was special. Instead of making me feel cherished it added to my frustration. My wonderful husband decided I needed an electric toothbrush for Mother’s Day. It would save me time and effort. He loved his and decided I would love one too.
It was a wonderful thought. It just didn’t go over well.
Gaining Perspective and Questions
By the end of the day I was sending frantic prayers to God. I desperately wanted to enjoy the final moments of Mother’s Day and not dwell on my perceived disappointments.
In the quiet hours before midnight holding JDaniel in my arms and trying get him to go to sleep I received an answer. It came in a series of questions to ask myself.
What did I expect from Mother’s Day?
Had a shared my expectations with my husband?
Beyond taking my mom to lunch had I shown her that she was cherished?
Did my husband have a gift ideas shared with him so that he would have an idea of what I would like?
Had I shown appreciation for the gift he had selected?
Didn’t having a perfect yet ornery baby in my forties make everyday Mother’s Day?
I went to sleep that night pondering these questions along with praying for JDaniel to sleep.
Second Year Better Than the First
The following Mother’s Day I did a much better job of communicating with my husband about Mother’s Day. Somehow knowing that I had shared what I wanted and hoped for made it a much better day.
How do you handle Mother’s Day at your house?
lol…ah Mother’s Day…being a mom for almost 23 years and also having a little turning 2 tomorrow, it seems like being a mother is all I have ever done in my adult years (besides a career for 16 of those years also)…its the best job and it’s the most rewarding job I can think of, but it’s the hardest! I pray this Mother’s Day is great for you! JD Mom!
Love this post. I didn’t know you are an older mom too. I just totally leave Mother’s Day to my husband and usually I am pleasantly surprised. However, this year I did hint to him that a new watch would be nice 🙂
by the 3rd one all those “mistakes” with baby num 1 will just be funny stories of how you had to use a whole tub of butter to do what? long story nutha time
Oh Mother’s Day… I think we always kind of set everyone up for failure because it is never quite perfect enough.
I try to get all my weekend chores done so that I can do some sort of activity with my family that day without feeling the weight of a million things to do over my head.
The one thing I won’t do on Mother’s Day is cook – absolutely not!
This Mother’s Day I am away, but I will be with my mom and my Grandmother which will be weird… I am feeling very “off” by the whole situation.
Oh and the toothbrush, are you sure your hubby wasn’t sleep deprived too. Poor you. I don’t even know how you didn’t throw it back at him!
I spend it celebrating MY mother’s day…but the beauty of it is, I spend the night at her house (away from the kids) and get to have my morning coffee in peace…that’s what I asked for for MOther’s Day! :))
I guess I’ve always let everyone determine my Mother’s Day for me too. Hmmmmm….
Oh, so many Mother’s days throughout the years… the ones that our children “planned” all by themselves were the sweetest…
I surely miss my mom since she passed away in 2004…would love to have spent a Mother’s Day…just the two of us…But ever since I was married 29 years ago, I had never lived anywhere nearby because of the military, we never had a chance for a Mother’s day together.
Here’s to a very special Mother’s day for you this Sunday.
Blessings & Aloha!
Aww sorry you first Mother’s Day didn’t turn out the way you wanted. My first was a little over a month after E was born and my mind was still in that sleepless haze. My husband gave me the best gift which was a day to sleep while he took care of E. The second year was not as good since he practically forgot and even ignored me all day. I learned my lesson this year, though, and have told him I want to do something to celebrate. Hopefully it’ll begetter this year. Of course, I actually didn’t remember mothers day was this weekend at first or he’d been able to get away with celebrating. 🙂
Hope you have a great mothers day this year!
Wonderful heartfelt post! I think Mother’s Day gets progressively better as husband and kids learn the best ways to make it special. My husband and I celebrate our anniversary on May 10, which is often Mother’s Day as well – so it’s an extra special time for me.
My first son was born on May 31st almost 42 years ago, so my first Mother’s Day was almost a year after he was born. We were living on a Naval base overseas and on my first Mother’s Day my husband played golf! He was on a team and they had to play that day. I was upset because I was pregnant again and didn’t feel well and had to run after Keith all afternoon. I let my husband know I wasn’t happy, but I know I didn’t handle it as well as you!
I can totally relate to how you feel about mother’s day. It went on like this for many years for me. My husband (back then and many moons ago) was too busy to celebrate with his mom.
It will get better as JDaniel grows though!
Mother’s day falls during Turkey hunting season…need I say more! 🙂
This is a wonderful post about being a new mom! How well I remember all those days! We get through it, though, and the next time around we are not nearly so stressed! Thanks for the memories!!
So is it okay if I just LOL at the electric toothbrush?!? Too funny, men I tell ya! 😉
We usually go to a state park if the weather permits. I love getting away from the city and letting the boys hike the trails while me and DH watch them play with sticks. It’s the best I could ask for! So here’s hoping for nice weather!
Wonderful most about mother’s day! It’s my third mother’s day! but until now no one has treated me for mother’s day:-(( let’s see this year
Back home, I used to take my mom for a dinner and buy her a gift!
Mother’s Day at our house has never really been about me. Our oldest two are adopted in open adoptions, so spend a lot more time celebrating their birthmoms. I get to be their mom everyday, so I don’t mind sharing Mother’s day with the wonderful ladies that made me a mom in the first place.
I think I have learned not to have great expectations on Mother’s Day. Scott is not great at buying gift spontaneous so when I said let’s just go get some plants for the flowerbeds. He jumped on it…so that will be Mother’s Day along with lunch or dinner out. The kids always make it special…I just wish “he” put more thought into it. AND the next day is our Anniversary…yep, you got it…no gift! 🙁
My first mother’s day was a disaster as well. In fact, I’ve practically blocked it out of memory it was so bad.
I hope you have a wonderful Mother’s Day this year. You deserve it!
I always tell my husband my expectations, for all holidays. (Granted, sometime my expectations are bigger than possible, but at least it gives him an idea.) This year, I asked for a corsage from my boys to wear on my dress at church and to be taken to a buffet for lunch (my husband hates buffets so we never go), followed by a long nap. Not too much to ask, I think!
I very much enjoyed reading this! I think your idea of Mothers’ Day took on a maturing reality and because of it your marriage has likely matured as well. You are a fast learner…and JDaniel is a lucky son!
A beautiful and honest post! My husband and I have been married over 40 years. He was a Momma’s boy and always honored his mother on Mother’s Day, and I would feel a bit left out. About the time I finally adjusted and lowered my expectations by remembering I was his wife and not his mother, he started making MY Mother’s Day special! I hope you have a wonderful Mother’s Day this year. God bless!
I circle hints in sale fliers. I never leave gifts up to the fancy of the mind’s of men. This year, we’re having brunch at home and a little trip to the zoo so we can spend it discovering new things as a family, because although it’s Mother’s Day, I tend to celebrate the reasons I’m a mother.
Expectations. The bain of existence sometimes. I have made myself eliminate the ‘thoughts of’ and somehow it helps get through times where others seem to be enjoying joyous family gatherings.
Having my daughter in prison this year will definitely put a damper on the day, but I will pick flowers in my garden, take them to my own mother and see what happens!
Thanks for this thoughtful link.
I hope this year is wonderful for you.
A+
Oh, Mother’s day. I expected my husband to know exactly what I needed and was definitely in for a rude awakening to find he had no idea. I’ve since let him know and everyone is happy!
Happy Mother’s Day!
I had postpartum depression with my second and the Mothers day when my second was 6 months old was … memorable for all the wrong reasons … but since then my DH has been wonderful and gets that all I need is half a day for me … a time to take a breath then in the afternoon I make a roast dinner (or if budget allows a meal) cards made by my daughters and a small bunch of flowers … Wonderful memories are made by the simple gestures!
I identify with this! Hope this year is great!
This is really good to read. I am really bad at saying what my expectations are for holidays- becuase I feel like if I say what I want, then its not coming from my husband. And what I want- is for him to do somthing that comes from his heart. That said- he is really not into holidays like I am. So telling him would probably be a better idea, than just hoping:)
My very first mother’s day was a total flop and I still feel that I was so disappointed. My son was 8 months old and I thought I would at least get some flowers. Mr. G. forgot that I was suddenly to be celebrated as a mother and brought a bag of strawberries which he ate himself !
He was very surprised that I was so disappointed and angry !
This reminds me of when my kids were babies and all the expectations I had for what should happen or how I should be honored. It’s a whole lot better these days now that my kids are adults. I decided years ago to forget the expectations. Like you I began to communicate what I wanted or just got it myself. Now I honestly have no expectations and choose to enjoy everyday not these made up special days. There are years that my kids are a thousand miles away and the last 4 years I was in a different state than all my kids. I enjoyed being with my husband those years. My advice is to go with the flow. Honor others and enjoy the good when it comes…
With both grandmas in the area, Mothers Day is about everyone else, much like your first one was. This is OK with me. After ten years of it being this way, I think I quite possibly would pass out if a big fuss were made over me. 🙂
be proud to be a mother,
you will enjoy motherhood and develop the strength to survive.
I needed to read this for some perspective. B/c I’m always disappointed on Mother’s Day.
I look back on Mother’s Day from many perspectives. I realize now that the sweet moment when my children gave me hugs and kisses and brought home a few dandelions or a drawing they made for me in school were the best gifts in my life beyond anything my husband could buy for me. Now as a grandmother I see my son nurturing his children and I realize what a good mother I was by example, and how he remembers his own childhood fondly. I think I am even more grateful for that, as that is what being a mother is all about!
I must have REALLY been out of my mind. I remarried and had a second child at the age of 38 ( Shawn was 11 ) and a my third son was born when I was 40. Shawn tells me that is why he is still single at 40 and he never plans to have children!! Seriously, the poor guy was a lifesaver for me – since that marriage was a disaster. I had back surgery when Jeremy was only a year old – my husband took off and neither saw nor supported his sons after that. Shawn was the biggest help in the world and my younger sons were amazing their whole lives. I guess that’s the best Mother’s Day gift I could have!!! Now, at 40, 28, and 26, I am as proud I can be of the adults they’ve become.
In Indonesia, Mother’s Day is on December 22nd. Actually I never celebrate it… but my daughter, when she already knew about Mother’s Day, she always gave me something every year^^…
Have a wonderful Mother’s Day!
Communication is the key to happiness and not just for Mother’s Day. I’m so glad year two was better. I tend not to expect anything so what ever comes my way is great ..oh and I now buy my own present! this year I treated myself to a bag I loved 😀
well, my first mothers day, broxton was 3 months old, and marc was gone… i was pretty sad, but so thankful to be a mom…
last year, i was so lucky as marc had just returned from deployment, so i had what i wanted… my family together.
this year… i just want family time 🙂
I am not a mother, but I do know about mislaid expectations leading to disappointment… so now I no longer ask others to make my day. My birthday just came and went and my hubby back home completely forgot. I was pretty sure he would, so I had a nice day on my own… on the other side of the globe. Hope your Mother’s Day is a terrific one… celebrate YOU! JDaniel is a lucky boy.
Our son lives far away in Alaska but we always connect by phone and/or Skype…we miss him so much. The best Mother’s Days were when he was young and presented me with those precious handmade gifts –
We have my own Mom (86) and Dad (92) up for dinner.
My husband? He is not a Hallmark card kind of guy but he does buy me mulch, compost and top soil!!
My 1st Mother’s Day was one that didn’t go well for me either. My day started off with my dear husband forgetting to celebrate the day for me. His mother, my mother, yes. How could he forget that I was now a mom?? It wasn’t until we were sitting in church that a friend walked by and wished me a “Happy Mother’s Day” that my husband’s jaw dropped to the floor. I can smile about it now, but at the time, I was hurt and feeling sorry for myself.
He has redeemed himself many times over in the years since with happy and silly moments with the kids honoring their mom. Me. Sweet memories in deed.
Happy Mother’s Day.
Visiting from SITS, congrats on your feature day! People should never underestimate the power of flowers. When in doubt, pass on the toothbrush and grab some flowers I say. At least your experience taught you to better communicate your expectations. I learn that lesson over and over again, and hopefully someday, I will become a better communicator!
Having expectations can be a dangerous thing! I can totally relate to this post!
Been there! You read my post about this year’s Mother’s Day! They do get better, don’t they?