If you would, try to imagine singing the words to Amazing Grace while trying to hold on to your preschooler who is standing on a pew next to you continually asking you where you are in the song as he sways to the music.
Many of you can imagine this moment and have repeated Sunday after Sunday due to the fact that your church encourages your children to be in the service with you or they don’t offer a Sunday school class that runs during the church service and Sunday school.
The services at my church have children over the age of five sitting with their parents for the first part of the service and then they are walked out to attend children’s church. There are some expectation to that and I want to share an exception with you that has challenged my families’ view on children in church.
The Situation
Sometimes JDaniel is the only child in the three year old class for the first twenty minutes of church. There are two boys that used to be with him and they are now upstairs in the sanctuary with their parents to listen to the prelude music and the opening hymns.
When we became aware of the other families’ decision to do this, we talked over whether we should do the same thing with JDaniel. We came up with a number of cons and pros his being church with us.
Cons
He doesn’t like to sit sill for long periods of time or stand still.
He may not want to leave to go to his Sunday school class. His way of expressing that would be to loudly share his desire to stay in the congregation.
He may decide he wants to talk about a random thought that has occurred to him during the singing to get our attention and distract other people.
He hates for me to leave him in Sunday school in the first place and has to be peeled off me several Sundays in month. We would just be delaying the battle.
Pros
He would be doing what the other boys are doing.
He won’t be walking into an empty room.
He has plans
Our decision was to have him stay in his class and I thought the discussion was over.
JDaniel was found recently flipping through a hymnal we keep in the living room looking over the music. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was learning the music to get ready for the big church. He really seems to want to try being upstairs. Three just seems young to try this experiment in music exploration.
What would you do? (Remember at three JDaniel is unpredictable.)
This post is linked to Mrs. Matlock’s Alphabe Thursday.
I might try it, but you know your son….Sometimes they amaze us!
I grew up in a church that the kids were expected to stay in the nursery or childrens church, so I know your dilema. Could you sit close to the other families so you can all leave together?
On Easter we went to a new church that only had nursery for the actual sermon – not for before or after. When the sermon is only 10 minutes and you have 3 children under the age of 5, it makes for a very stressful service in my opinion. I think some kids would do well. My 3? Not so much!
I would extend myself and my child some grace, recognizing this is a learning process for everyone involved–even for the folks in the congregation. In our church, we make vows to support one another in the raising of our children. That means, I think, being patient and understanding if one pitches a fit when being taken out of the service for children’s church. The point of children’s church, I think, is to prepare kids to help them learn how to worship–to become familiar with the hymns, to learn to sit still and pay attention for longer periods of a time. If he’s interested in the hymns already,he’s getting there!
My daughter just turned 3 and I was pleasantly surprised that she enjoyed sitting through an entire service a few weeks ago. She only asked to get up once to go to the bathroom. We just told her in advance that she needed to whisper. Each kid is different though!
I have 5 kids, ages 4-11. My (just turned) 4 year old and my 5 year old (both boys) stay in the nursery during the entire service – we don’t have Sunday school or children’s church during the service, so the nursery is the only option.
My 5 year old is EXTREMELY rambunctious. I describe him as what would result if the Energizer Bunny and the Tazmanian Devil had a child – he runs non-stop and leaves a path of destruction everywhere he goes. I fully intend to leave him in the nursery as long as possible.
My 4 year old could probably handle the service if the other kids weren’t there. He’s very calm and mellow when he’s alone, but he feeds off of the energy of the others.
You know your child and your congregation. Do what feels best for you. And what works one week may not work the next. It’s a learning process for both the kids and the parents.
Good luck!
🙂
Amy
Our kids are all in their own classes during service. The only exception is on Christmas and Easter, when kids kindergarten and older go to “big church.” For us, that is what works best.
But, you have to think of what is best for him.
Pray about it, the Lord will give you the answer.
Maybe before next Sunday, which ever you decide I have no doubts it will be prayed about and givin’ much thought, I’m just happy to see your family in a wonderful church.And blessed with a wonderful church family.
God Bless and “KEEP” yall.
~Jo
LazyonLoblolly
I say let him give it a shot. I know adults who don’t know how to behave during services.
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Have a great day! La
There’s lots of advice here. I’m sure as you read what others have to say you’ll realize what’s best for you and JDaniel.
Maybe you could practice one time and if it works offer a small prize, and if it doesn’t tell him he is going to have to wait until X time to try again.
I just made my kids stay and after 2 times they realized how much fun it was.
I guess I have this to look forward to with my children! I’m 15 weeks pregnant and looking forward to everything, including the squirms! Visiting from Comment Hour! -Meg O. @ oismeblog.com
I can only suggest giving it a try. Your child may surprise you and do really well. Just know that if it doesn’t work that you have that backup.
I think you could give it a try as well.
Came over from the SITS Comment hour.
I agree! Give is a try and see what happens. You may be pleasantly surprised! Stopping by from Comment Hour!
LoL, at least you can say that your child is interested in hymnals.
He sounds like he’s really looking forward to it! I agree with the previous commenters who have suggested that you give it a try. Good luck.
Yeah, I grew up in a church where the kids were in a separate area. I say why not try it out. You never know, your kids might do ok.
If you’re upstairs and not disturbing the congregation I say try it. You may be pleasantly surprised.
Visiting from comment hour. Our church does not have a during service Sunday school so the boys attend church with us which is an ordeal. We usually take turns walking each of them out of the chapel at one time or another. We try entertaining them with snacks, toys, and books.
This is a wonderful post, and one that I can seriously relate to. I was the favorite grandchild, and went many places that my cousins were never interested in going. My grandfather died when I was only 5 years old. I was very much attached to my grandmother, and since we lived in the south, she frequently took me with her when she went to “tent meetings.” These were exciting events for me, and I loved the music that was played during the event. When I became an adult, I found that the hymns I had been exposed to as a child were a great comfort to me when I became an adult.
I’ve never been to church so I can’t really relate in that aspect, but I CAN relate to the whole “should we do this or that with our kid” thing. Our son doesn’t like to sit still long, which is why we always try to do something where we are constantly moving (otherwise it’s a nightmare), like walking through the mall, or target, or the park or playing on the playground. We can’t take him to the movies cause he hates the dark and last time we tried it he kept trying to leave.
So I totally feel your pain. 🙂 But the best thing I can say is, at least TRY it an see how it goes, because then at least you’ll know 😛
I definitely say it’s worth a try. he just may surprise you!
That was always my favorite part of church–watching real families interacting! Love this; stopped by from #commenthour
My church never had Sunday school so my children had to learn to be quiet during services. I always sat in the back when they were very young and if they misbehaved I would scoot out with them until they calmed down. Often a cuddly toy or a book would keep them occupied enough. Three is pretty young to expect a child to behave for too long …Good luck!
So many sides to this question, and no real wrong decision, in my opinion. I grew up sitting in church for the very beginning before being dismissed.
The church we love and attend has a policy about children in the sanctuary, so this is not a bridge we have to cross- we sit in the provided parent’s room. Now, the new problem for us is if we like the fact that we cannot bring our daughter into service with us when we think she is ready as she is not allowed. It doesn’t sit well with me, but we really do enjoy the church.
So, this can be a very complicated situation compounded by what a church makes available or not available.
Whatever you decide, the great thing is it’s not set in stone. You can always change your mind!
I guess it depends on the child! It sounds like he wants to try it, so I guess I would at least give him the chance….
That’s a tough one! You can try it, but keep very strict conditions, such as he can’t talk, he has to back to his school afterwards, etc., then stick to it! A battle may happen, but it may not! You also might promise him a little treat for after Sunday School, but only if he holds up his end of the bargain!
Good luck!
Your site is very cute. I like that you are a local as well. 🙂 Congrats on being selected for #CommentHour! Your Liberty friend – E
Good luck with this – I know that you’re going to do the best thing for your little fellow, because you know him best and you’re paying attention to how he’s thinking. Our children didn’t have the option of a children’s service and had to stay with us, which was often more trouble than it was worth. I always envied our friends in churches that thought of making the experience a good one for the children too.
Bless you – been there about having to peel a child off me for Sunday School class, etc!!! I can’t give you much good advice except to say I sympathize, and I am sure God will give you wisdom what to do at the right time. If its any reassurance, my kids seem to have turned out okay even though I wondered if I was making the right decisions at times!
We have tried keeping the young kids upstairs on many occasions, and if it doesn’t work out I just take them downstairs. Jillian at almost 5 is really good now.
You know what? What would it hurt to try it? He might surprise you! Or validate yours fears.
But either way, isn’t child rearing all about finding what works for you and yours? One of my children wasn’t ready for church at 18! Two of the others sat like angels early on!
I always love your thought provoking posts!
Thank you for sharing your life and concerns with us.
A+
I’m late to visit but wanted to say just listen to Daniel, kids seem to let you know when they’re ready to move on….
i say to try it…
the others in the church have either been in your shoes or will one day…
it is going to be trial and error for many things!