Pause Life for a Moment- Good Day, Regular People

Today’s Pause Life for a moment blogger is the Empress. She reigns over Good Day, Regular People with a kind heart, a generous spirit, and a sense of fun. I love to stop by to read her posts. Her blog shares her insights as well as her son Baby E’s. Life can get you down at times. The Empress’ posts can brighten your day and  can make you laugh, think or cry.

First, JDaniel’s mom, I want to thank you for the special gift of being invited to guest for “Pause Life For a Moment.”

This series you’ve created, just in writing on the topic, allows any guest poster and reader of these words, to pause in their day, and refocus on what is going to matter to us, our families, and our children.

I thank you, for the space you’ve given me here, to “re-focus.”

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Women are busier now then they have ever been.

The opportunities, along with the lure of social media, exercise clubs, personal hobbies, working outside of the home or inside the home, is deliciously tempting, and rewarding.

We are no longer lonely women at home, we have friends at the push of a key. Contact with others can be a short 20 minute drive away.

How easy it is to answer the call of instant access to others. Especially when you’ve found yourself feeling isolated, while home with your children.

The pull to go online, or build your social circle, email friends, go on twitter, text, join a cycling club, interact with others, is a very strong one.

It is for me.

How do we, as women, find the time that is necessary to do what matters in life? The important things. To devote ourselves entirely to our families is a saintly goal. One that I tried for, but found that pursuit leaving me resentful, lonely, unhappy, and with a clinical case of depression that did not make for a happy home life for anyone.

I enjoy my interaction with others outside of my family. Conversations and quick exchanges between friends can buoy my mood upward for days.

But, again, the question: how do you FIND the time for special moments for your family? Aside from the necessary of keeping house, preparing meals, grocery shopping, working?

And it isn’t only women who are online that are short on time. There are women who exercise faithfully an hour and a half at a time, daily. There are women who delight in being immersed in a good book for at least an hour of their day. There are women who find joy in their work outside of their home, or who work at home.

Where do we find the time to Pause. And really be in our lives.

I had a light bulb moment a few years ago, and it occurred by accident.

Our mornings here, in my quest for efficiency, ironically in hopes of creating a pocket of “worthwhile” time later, were spent in quick, drill like processes.

Breakfast, washed up, dressed, prayer, boom – start the day.

While my children ate, I’d clean up. So streamlined, in and out in 45 minutes.

One particular day, I noticed my oldest son just kept talking to me, coming over to stand next to me at the kitchen sink, and talking. Thank God I felt the tug in my heart to stop the activity I was involved in, and decided I needed to go sit and listen to him.

When he went back to the kitchen table, I followed him. I pulled up the chair next to him, poured myself some orange juice, and sat to look at him while he spoke. I cleared my mind of my mental to do list.

I listened to my boy.

He had plans, ideas of what he thought he might want to do as an adult. I listened, with my eyes on his face instead of the usual downcast look while I did the dishes, in the hopes of getting a jump on my day.

I watched my beautiful son’s face grow more animated, as he drank in my mental presence. I saw his smile burst big and bright, the longer I sat with him.

I felt my heart grow warm with gratitude. I felt nothing and thought of nothing, but this moment with him.

I was Pausing Life for the Moment.

I was living in it, and I was there with him.

This was a connection, this was joy: on an ordinary morning with no special pre-arranged “time for each other.”

Yes, there should still be an intention of creating moments and time for our children. But, simply put, pauses don’t have to be planned in order to happen.

We just have to recognize them.

And that has absolutely nothing to do with the amount of time in a day.

Please stop by Good Day, Regular People and let the Empress know about a time you pause your day and connected with your kids.

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Comments

  1. says

    I love spending time with my kids. I rarely get the one-on-one because there are so many of them, but I try to make sure they know I am here and available if they need me.
    Thanks for stopping by my blog and for the nice comment!
    Sandy

  2. says

    Thank you for this, Alexandra. You are absolutely right. Those small moments that tug at you, not to be ignored. A tiny pause means so much.

    Today, I paused to reconnect with my husband. Our lives, so rushed, barely getting meaningful words in. Today, we talked, we held hands. We need more of these pauses.

    Beautiful post as always. xoxo

  3. says

    I love your series here,Jdaniel’s mom.

    Thank you for giving me the impetus to think about “Pause Life for a moment.”

    Truly, we forget these things, and life whizzes by.

    Thank you!

  4. says

    i will tag my 2 cents because i think it is the mans role as well to make sure those times happen….we createate scared time…time that we will not schedule anything else for family…to do special things together…that is done weekly…daily we spend the last hour before bed playing games together or just playing together…we read stories and then tuck the boys in…

  5. says

    Beautiful Empress. And it’s such an important thing to remember. My youngest, who is 13, an age where parents can sometimes seem like the most embarrassing people on the planet, had a group of girls over the other day. In the midst of splashing in the pool, my baby stuck her head inside and asked if her dad and I would come out, too. I had so much to do. My husband was on his computer, busy. But I realized, what a moment that was. She still wants us there, even with friends. We had a wonderful time in the pool.

  6. says

    There is nothing more important than stopping, and allowing our children’s hearts to soak into ours! It can be a struggle – to learn when to pause! Excellent Post, Alexandra!

  7. says

    Empress as usual…Amazing. I do take time to pray and meditate everyday, and it has been nothing short of life changing. When we can listen, really listen to what is in our hearts, or hear God speak to us, it grounds you, and opens your eyes to everything the world has to offer. So true, that it is so easy to get caught up in the rat race of what we put upon ourselves. How many times do I say, “just a minute”, to my kids everyday. When we stop, and give them our full attention, they will be confident in knowing they are the most important thing in our lives. And isn’t that what we want? Thanks for the beautiful reminder, think I want to be you when I grow up, lol.

  8. says

    true that, as they say. you are so right that it is hard to pause for such moments. and if it’s difficult for moms to pause, think of how frustrating it is for men, who do so more rarely, i believe.

  9. says

    This was just lovely. I am such a fan of the dear Empress.

    Too often I find myself doing all the NEEDS to be done, but not taking that time to be present in my children’s worlds. Thank you for this gentle reminder.

  10. says

    I absolutely love this and I love her! I’m so grateful that I didn’t have even have my blog when my kids lived at home. They were my every focus and I definitely lived the moments with them.

  11. says

    I know this was absolutely not your intent, because you Alexandra are warm and wonderful and want the best for all of us, but it makes me feel like a woefully inadequate wife.

    Mother, I’m good at.

    Wife…I’m so busy. I’m having such a hard time not multitasking with David. He doesn’t like a dirty house so I fold clothes while we spend time together or he does dishes while I play with Alex. I need to be more present with him. I love being married and I need to be more present with him.

    Thanks for the reminder that it’s not just ok – but necessary – for me to pause.

  12. says

    This is so sweet. I have a hard time pausing. I go, go, go w/o really noticing what is going on. Once, my middle son put his hands on my face and turned it towards me and said “Eyes on me!”

    What a wake up call that was.

  13. says

    My mom read an article when I was a tween, and she told me about it. The main point of the article was that parents should stop what they’re doing and look their children in the eye when the child is talking to them. From that day on my mom always did, and it made for a huge impact on me. I learned the importance of eye connection, but also the value of truly being heard. My connection with my mom deepened. My connection with others as I grew older became deeper as I learned to look people in the eye, be quiet, and listen. Your post reminded me of that first time in my childhood when my mom truly listened to me, and I’ve never forgotten it.

  14. says

    You know what got me? One day I felt completely annoyed because my son was saying, “Mom, mom, MOM!” over and over. Then I realized: If I had stopped and answered him the first time, his needs would be met and I would not be annoyed. Ugh – felt kind of terrible about that.

    Why is it so hard to stop and be present? It’s a daily battle for me.

  15. says

    Sometimes I find myself so drawn into mummyhood duties, the busyness of life and now blogging that I need to just pause, for that special moment. Thanks for the reminder here.

  16. says

    I always remind myself, when the girl allows me to hug her, to hug her for as long as she’ll let me. The times are more infrequent now, and the durations are shorter, but it’s so nice to just stop and be there with her.

  17. says

    What a lovely moment. The visual of you listening as he becomes more and more excited and animated is precious.

    Stopping and living in the moment is difficult for me. I read one time that no matter what we’re doing at home, to stop and spend a solid fifteen minutes of each hour (or ten or something that works for you) with your kids, without TV or housework or anything. I try to do that, and it helps.

    Once Abbey said, “no! listen with your eyes, too!” That hurt a little, and I try to remember that feeling when I am feeling pressured to do too much.

  18. says

    My favorite part of this post is the point that these pauses don’t need to be planned.

    It would be depressing – not to mention artificial – to rely solely on “scheduled” time with our children (beyond, of course, the natural schedules we already have with sleep, meals, school, extra-curriculars, sports etc.).

    But the special moments, like the one you describe with your son, can’t be forced into a time frame. They happen when they happen and the danger is that we may miss them, so caught up have we become in the “others” of our lives.

    I’m not sure I can say that “pausing” in the moment is a strength of mine, but I can honestly tell you I am trying. Really really trying.

    The older my children get, the more I see my years with them under my roof (interested in me, yearning for my attention) as finite.

    So I will take whatever I can get. Whenever. Which is happening right now (as my daughter just came in and asked if I’d take her to the library to check out a new book).

    I may cry! (not really, but oh how I love the library. and books. and my almost 12-year-old girl.)

    SO much.
    XO

  19. says

    thank you for always saying what I need to hear, for writing it down in the moments that I need it. I have been getting better at pausing, knowing that my sons are looking to me not to make sure the kitchen is clean and the laundry done, but that I see them, in all their preschool chaos, to listen to their songs and watch thier dances, participate in their imaginary play.

    waht a gorgeous post this is. One of my favorites of yours, and I love everything you write. xo

  20. says

    I resent the fact that I had postpartum depression but at the same time I am thankful because it taught me to slow down and appreciate all the beautiful things around me. While I didn’t have time to create special infant/mom moments then, I create them now with my toddler and I cling to them for they are far too fleeting during a busy hectic day. And you’re right, those are the types of moments that don’t have to be planned.

  21. says

    A, have I ever told you how calm I feel when I read your writing?

    I can totally picture your mornings of trying to get things done and then sitting down with your son and enjoying that time together! And yes, I love the unplanned aspect – just do it, right?

    Lovely post, as usual.

  22. says

    Thanks for sharing your moment! That can be so hard to do sometimes–pausing, and recognizing the moment.

    I had a similar experience when I was in a rush and my daughter wanted to talk to me and help me cook. I knew it would take longer, but I had to make a conscious choice to slow down and let her help. I was so glad I did. :)

  23. says

    I just love me some Alexandra. Her words always touch me and remind me of the things that are most important in life. Thank you for featuring her here so I could have the chance to check out your blog, too. Hope you don’t mind if I look around a bit. I promise to leave the place exactly as I found it :)

  24. says

    that is exactly what I need to work on. Pausing. Really paying attention. Absorbing what they have to say…
    great post…I could see your sons eyes brighten as you described it

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