In March after spending seven weeks in the hospital recovering from liver and kidney failure along gall bladder drainage issues followed by several month in rehab my mom had to make a huge decision. While in the hospital she was found to have pancreatic cancer, now after all that recovering time she had to decide what to do next.
Some things were decided for her. She had to move to a nursing area of the senior community she had a patio home in. People were going to have to help her dress, bathe, and use the restroom. She would probably only live a short time. It was going to be sad to watch her lose the ability to care for herself and be around others who were just waiting to die too.
My sisters and I shared with her our thoughts about chemotherapy and radiation as well as cancer surgery. Each would lengthen her life by a few months maybe. Each would be rough on her and could diminish her quality of life.
We all came to the consensus that making memories and cherishing moments was what was most important. We would hand over the time mom has leftover to her living her life with cancer. God would decide when to take her home and until he did we would love on her.
While I moved forward with getting her house ready for sale and helping get her affairs in order, my mom worked on living. She has taken it super seriously! She has left people in awe of her strength and peace.
Despite knowing that she has a disease that is killing her she learned to dress herself, go to the bathroom on her own, and walk fiercely with a walker. She showed so much improvement that she has moved from the nursing wing on the retirement community into an assisted living apartment.
Thus far she has had a few stomach pains, but has not lost her appetite as doctors tell us she will. She has in fact gained all the weight she lost in the hospital and rehab. Honestly if you look at her you would never know she had cancer.
Some days I forget she has cancer for a few hours. Some days we go over to play bingo with her in the dining room and she looks just like everyone else there. Some days she calls to remind me that I need to buy her boxes of tissues and toilet paper and I buy the bundle of six boxes of tissues and twelve rolls of toilet paper.
She will slow down and she will pass on. We told the decline will happen fast and could happen without warning. That hasn’t stopped us from making plans for her birthday in August and a visit with all her grandchildren later in the summer.
Until her passing comes she is living! She is encouraging us to live! She is changing the lives of people around her who can’t explain why she has lived seven months since her initial diagnosis.
I am so thankful that she is my mom and my teacher! I am so glad she decided to fight through rehab and live!
This post is linked to Pour Your Heart Out on Things I Can’t Say.
That’s a beautiful and inspiring story. The will is so strong in her. May she have many peaceful and well-feeling moments with you all.
This is a really sad, but really inspiring story. Wishing you continued wonderful memories for a long time to come.
I’ve been thinking about you and your mom this past week. I’m glad to hear that she is living each day to the fullest, surrounded by those who love her. She sounds like an inspiration to all that get to know her!
How wonderful and what an inspiring story. You all will treasure these memories forever. Let her know she is admired.
Deirdre, how wonderful that your mom has been trying to continue to live live to the fullest and not wallow in self-pity. I know this must be hard on you and your family as you face an uncertain future, but I am so glad you shared your mom’s story. What a wonderful testimony. {{{HUGS}}}
Hugs and prayers – enjoy these precious times with your Mum. My mum shouldn’t have survived her stroke in February … although it has had a devastating effect on many aspects of her life, every visit with her is a blessing and a gift.
A wonderful lesson in life! Magnificent !
A beautiful post . You’re family is an inspiration.
Kudos to your mom for surprising everyone with her abilities! Feisty, isn’t she? I sense you are very proud of her, and you should be.
Deidre ~ you seem to have made the right decisions for all concerned and am proud of your Mom especially ~ I would tend to agree with the approach you have taken ~ I would do the same if it were me ~ Sending lots of healings hugs and site that you might like to hear about if you don’t know about it already ~ CompassionandChoices.org ~ xoxo
artmusedog and carol ~ A Creative Harbor
She is an inspiration. What a gift to have this time with her!!
Your mom is amazing. What an attitude to adopt through this. Your family has been in my prayers. xo
God bless you and your family.
I love how positive she is and am glad you are having so many special moments with her!
Such a tough time. I’m glad that you and she are making the most of the time she does have left with you.
I honor the decision you made as a family to allow your mother the dignity she so deserves. Quality of life means much more than extra time spent in discomfort and weakness. I am sending good energy to all of you, Deirdre.
Bless you, sweet friend.
These poignant words just touched my heart and gave me a lot to think about.
Your Mom is a fantastic example of mind over circumstances.
I am impressed and humbled by her story.
Sending you a giant hug along with your
A+++++++++++++++++++