JDaniel doesn’t have trouble with low self-esteem at this point in life. He is confident about what he knows, how he looks, and who he is. I am working hard to help him have a good and positive self esteem. His self image shouldn’t be filled with arrogance or cockiness but I would like for him to like who he is.
We try to control what he sees and reads. I strongly believe that children can take in ideas from everything they are exposed to and those ideas can lead them to fears, misbelieves and confusing concepts. (JDaniel is only four. I know I won’t be able to always do this.)
Guess what I ended up exposing him to? A horrible cartoon with a terrible message. I didn’t even realize I was doing it until it was too late to stop it. I guess I could have stopped it and maybe should have stopped it, but I let him watch it and talked to him about it as he did.
Here is what happened:
JDaniel and I were at my mom’s house last Friday afternoon. My mom has her TV. on a lot and it was on when we were there. JDaniel noticed the TV wasn’t turned to a kid’s network and he asked her to change the station.
She changed it to a cartoon network and we proceeded to watch a Tom and Jerry cartoon called Downhearted Duckling. Jdaniel has watched Tom and Jerry cartoon with my husband and it hasn’t ever been a problem so, I said it would be alright.
Downhearted Duckling is about a duckling that reads the story the Ugly Duckling and decides he is too ugly to live. He tells Jerry that he is too ugly to live and he won’t believe him. Jerry tries to clean him up and dress him up. He still thinks he is ugly and wants to die.
The duckling then spends the rest of the show trying to be Tom the Cat to eat him. Tom doesn’t know the duckling has a problem and just wants to eat lunch.
At the end of the show a girl duck walks by the duckling who is now wearing a bag on his head. He sees her and tries to run away. She stops him and tells him that he is cute after the bag is removed.
I am glad the duckling finally sees that he isn’t ugly. I am glad he decides to live. I am so upset that a cartoon exists and is being shown at a time when children might be watching it. Some of those children maybe watching it on their own without some sitting beside them telling them the message is wrong.
I know there are children that feel ugly or unlovable. I think that they would totally take what this duckling was saying and his feelings to heart. Maybe they won’t, but I really hate to think that they would.
Beyond this terrible cartoon (This is my opinion of it.) there are so many messages being sent to our children young and old about how to look and what is handsome or pretty.
The duckling did what lots of kids do. He didn’t wait to see how things would turn out. He took the message that fit how he was feeling about himself and he ran with it.
If he had read the story to the end, he would have seen that the ugly duckling had a tough time, but he grew up to be swan.
Whether children grow up to be beautiful on the outside like a swan or beautiful on the inside or both, I want them all to grow up knowing they are each gifted, special , and unique.
I want them to understand that it is totally impossible to be someone else. They can emulate other people and work on areas they would like to improve, but each of them is wonderfully made.
How do I know that I read it is a trust worthy book that shares the truth?
This truth is I want my son to cling to:
“..I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made: your works are wonderful…” (Psalm 139:14)
The duckling in the cartoon needs to learn that or he will be back to thinking badly about himself if the girl duckling ever ends their relationship.
My son needs to know that who he is wonderful and special. He may not always here that from the world, but I am working on helping to bury that truth in his heart. I think the duck could have used that too. He had such trouble with his low self esteem.
Disclaimer: I purposely didn’t link to the cartoon I mentioned in this post. If you want to view it, you can find it on Youtube.com. I was afraid to have this post lead traffic to something I don’t want to see have a rise in views.
This post is linked to Pour Your Heart Out and Alpabe Thursday.
This post brought up so many emotions for me. My husband bought a box set of Tom & Jerry DVD’s to watch with our son, and after watching a few of them I have banned them from being shown to our kids. The level of violence and such is too much for me to bear. I know that I was brought up on them, but I know better now. And yes, it breaks my heart that kids will see this and not be told a context.
I love your approach on raising JDaniel. I want the same for my boys. I only wish that more parents were this involved and that more parents spent time to encourage their children.
Honestly, I had no idea. I haven’t watched a Tom & Jerry show in many years. But I appreciate you bringing an awareness of this to me. You have reminded us again how fragile, gentle, and innocent our children’s souls and minds are. We need to preview shows – or at least watch shows the first time – with, and for, our children. I was so naive that I didn’t realize Sponge Bob Square Pants was a little naughty – you’d think producers would read child psychology (or hopefully, the bible) before they produce a kids’ show. Thanks for the information and have a great day.
This is one of the (many) reasons why I’m glad we don’t have a tv.
Oh my…
My son watches Tom and Jerry…ahem…because I like to watch it.
I was doing some chores one day and there was a show that came on afterwards that was very ummmmm…questionable for a children’s station. I turned the channel right away.
You have to be careful with what they watch now a days. It is a totally different realm than when we were kids that’s for sure!
Thanks for pointing this show out. I’ll have to look for it and make sure that he doesn’t watch it.
What a powerful post and message….thank you for sharing this experience…i sometimes feel i am a little over vigilent in this area but it is these examples that make me feel a little more ‘normal’ as a parent!
Self-Esteem, or maybe better translated as “God-Esteem,” is an issue that is close to my heart. The Lord has put that on my heart to write about it several times on my blog. Embracing ourselves for how He made us is vital for our relationship with Him and with others.
I once heard someone say that we should be careful about always commenting on how “pretty” or “handsome” children are. Instead, we should balance that by commenting on talents, behaviors, etc. Our focus should not always be on the outsides, but their insides.
http://www.themazeofourlives.blogspot.com
I agree with you there is so much wordliness out there, as parents we have to protect our children from. I try to be extra careful what my kids watch, personally I do not like Cartoon Network. I prefer for my kids to watch Veggie Tales and things of that nature myself but that doesn’t always happen.
We don’t have cable, but my mom and mother in law do. I am not sure we have ever watched that network before. We try to stick to videos from the library and PBS Kids.
OH my. We don’t watch a lot of tv and this is one of the reasons why. When I do let her watch, I monitor her significantly! Thanks for this post!
Love this…I let my son watch Tom and Jerry for a while. I figured, I watched it when I was a kid and I’m okay…what’s the big deal? Well, when my son started running around chasing our dogs, shooting at them and mimicking the behavior he saw, I was like, NO MORE. He wasn’t very happy with me because he thought the show was hysterical. But I was NOT laughing. Our children absorb SO much more than we give them credit for…and they may not always interpret it correctly, as you said. I’m very glad you were THERE to catch it and talk to you little guy about it!!
Yet another reason why we don’t get The Cartoon Network. Ugh. What a horrible message to send out that anyone would want to die because of his looks! There really is so much junk out there in TV land.
Your little guy will surely grow up with a great self-image because you’re helping to make it happen. 🙂
I totally agree, I don’t let our children watch cartoon network but I have let them watch Tom and Jerry. It’s so sad because many children and adults don’t feel beautiful. God created us for who we are and that’s beautiful and amazing in itself!!
Great post! I constantly worry about the messages my girls are getting from the media. All the shows they love seem ok at first glance…but the more you watch the parents are always made out to be clowns and the way their children talk to them is beyond disrespectful (Disney channel, anyone?!) This made me think even more about the messages I am letting in…THANK you for that!!
I remember that one… I am not a big Tom and Jerry fan.. but Broxton watches with Marc, sometimes… I just use these times to talk to him about what he sees… I wont be with him 24/7 … so, I use it to my benefit…
glad you brought awareness to moms that haven’t seen this one… and so glad you were able to use it in a teaching way with JDaniel!
We almost bought some tom & Jerry dvds too, but they say they are intended for adults. It’s funny how cartoons that seemed harmless when we were kids with their smoking and violence are now inappropriate. Of course, I think most of us turned out fine despite it all 😉
I don’t like kids cartoons on TV in general. However, I do think they can open good opportunities for conversation.
I’m really glad that you were there to talk about it and make sure the right message got through!
{Melinda} I am appalled at so much of what is out there for our children to consume. And you are right, it just keeps getting tougher the older they get. My daughter is 15 and it is a constant (and sometimes ugly!) battle to protect her from flat out evil and destructive messages.
We can’t be there all the time as they get older, so I pray daily that the Holy Spirit will protect her mind and convict her spirit of messages that are wrong.
Oh, I could go on and on about this. What are children are exposed to is just ridiculous. My daughter somehow has been exposed to Katy Perry. (AHHH!) and with all the previews for the movie about her, she thinks that Katy Perry is just awesome. I mean, she’s dressed up like CANDY in that movie for pete’s sake!
I realized then that they are target marketing girls ages 7-15!! Have you heard some of her songs?? “TGIF” talks about waking up with a stranger and no memory of getting plastered the night before, “Let’s go all the way” is about having unprotected sex for the first time.
And the cartoons aren’t any better! oooh! Good post, you got me good and worked up….LOL
Tara
I agree that show doesn’t sound like something I would want my kids watching. It’s such a tricky balance regarding what is and isn’t appropriate for kids to see. I don’t want my kids seeing shows like this, but what if they see or read something when I’m not around? I would like to be the one to talk with them about the content and help to guide the conversation so that my kids know what our beliefs are regarding the content.
I totally remember this episode from when I was little and when it came on once I ended up letting them watch it too. I figured it could be a good way to strike up a conversation about self esteem. Seems we both took a bad cartoon and turned it into a good lesson. I still want to go hug that little duck though! 😉
I have a perfect solution for this problem – no TV! I am just kidding, because negative messages surround our kids from other sources, and I agree with you – this is the problem. Each child should believe in their worth to grow up into a human being who wants to share their worth with others.
It was a good thing that you were able to talk to him about it. It’s amazing the things that children remember from this type of thing…
I would not watch Tom and Jerry when I was younger even though my parents thought it was okay. I also did not like the Roadrunner so I was really the nerd.
The good thing that could come out of that experience is the opportunity to share with your son (or my own little ones) the bigger message.
Children truly are little sponges soaking up everything.
I totally remember that Tom & Jerry episode from when I was a kid! I wouldn’t want my boys watching that either.
Do you have Boomerang Network? That’s the one that airs old cartoons from when we were kids. SO many inappropriate cartoons!
No matter how hard we try to guard our children’s minds, we can never protect them from everything. Don’t be too hard on yourself. It sounds like you are such a caring and careful Mom.
That just seems like a really dark cartoon and I’m surprised at how it was presented. I get that they’re showing that kids at times struggle with self-esteem, but to want to die? That breaks my heart. I’m glad you talked to JDaniel about it though. So sad.
That story does have an awful message. Especially as we are trying to bring up strong, positive kids. I have seen that cartoon too and it is heartbreaking if you really watch the details of the show.
Sorry it has been so long since I have been here. 🙁
The subliminal messages in the media make me insane. Now that my boys are older, the shows all teach that boys are dumb, and adults are fairly brainless as well. All the kids on the tween shows have a new beau every week, and the boys look like girls. If you really want a fright, listen to some top 40 music! Most days – I’m ready to move to an island.
I guess the difference between a TV show and a book is that were a person reading the book ( with an ugly duckling message ) to the child they can interact with the child as they go along in the book and see if the child is getting the message correctly
TV is a bit different 🙁
Some of the kids cartoons are really crazy
This cartoon sounds terrible! When my kids watch stuff that I watched cluelessly when I was little, I am shocked at how violent and negative the old cartoons are! I hope that just seeing it once won’t have an affect on him!
Agree with other commenters.
PS Thanks for stopping by!
That sounds awful!
Who would have thought that a Tom and Jerry cartoon would be so negative? It’s such a good thing that you are there watching with your son!
Sounds like it turned out to be a good opportunity to teach a valuable lesson!
Please keep in mind, Tom and Jerry cartoons were made at an earlier time, when the viewpoint of what was and wasn’t a good idea for kids was quite different. Happily, the idea that children should be helped to feel that their looks are simply one of many aspects of what makes them special is more the norm now. With many of the older cartoons and shows you do have to give them a little pre-viewing, because sometimes, there are things on the shows that really are not okay.
I think it’s a mistake for parents to allow their children to watch ANY cartoons without knowing what is in them….sadly, so many parents (I know you’re definitely not one) plunk their children down in front of the TV as a babysitter. They have no idea what thoughts are being pumped into their impressionable little minds. I’m not saying that all cartoons are bad…there are lots that are educational and uplifting, but there is far more junk out there than good. OK, off my soap box now. Keep doing what you’re doing!
We can not always know what the shows are all about sadly enough. You did a good job talking to him.
I’m glad you were there to help JDaniel think through what he had just seen.
I think the best thing that came out of it was a conversation with you and JDaniel. This same thing happened when my oldest was younger and supposed to be in bed but instead walked in on a scene from ER. It opened up a HUGE discussion that otherwise probably wouldn’t have been had.
A good base built in the first years of childhood is very important ! Later comes the influence of the friends and when I didn’t want my son to watch war or horror movies he came home and told me proudly that he had seen the movie at a friend’s ! Apparently it didn’t any harm to him, because as you say, I tried to do my best to teach him what was wrong or right.
That cartoon is so sad! After reading that I wonder what my kids would have thought if they had seen it. I think they would have felt sad for him that he didn’t feel good about himself, but I don’t think it would have given them ideas about their own confidence.
Good Lord! That’s terrible! Cartoons are so confusing. I just don’t understand how the writers and network owners feel that these are benefiting children in anyway.
I haven’t seen the cartoon, but it sounds awful. I hate the horrible messages that pervade our media. Thanks for the reminder to keep watch!
I totally remember that episode of Tom & Jerry and, as a kid, it made me feel so badly. This post so resonates with me as my son is definitely a sensitive one and I worry at times about his self esteem and how I can help to build his confidence. I think as parents, we all try to bury the truth that they are special and amazing people in our kids’ hearts.
I have seen this cartoon, as has my four year old who walks around ever so dramatically stating, “I’m SOOOO UGGLLYYY”. My boys love Tom & Jerry, and it is terrible. My husband and I were discussing confiscation of all T & J dvds at our house for reasons like this and worse….
Some of those older cartoons are truly horrible. Thanks for sharing your heartfelt response to it. Your son will benefit hugely because of your conscientiousness and your willingness to explain to him how wrong negative ideas and images can be. Good for you!
One show that i would never have let my children watch is The Simpsons. I have only seen a snippet of it, but it is vulgar and disrespectful. I agree that some of the older cartoons are really bad, but so are a lot of the newer ones too.
I think it’s really important to monitor what children watch, even cartoons. My DIL is pretty strict about what her kids see.
You are a loving and conscientious mom.
=)
I think it’s sad that so many stories are all about looks, and love, as shortcuts to self-worth. Even the original Ugly Duckling is only happy when he becomes a glamorous swan… not a great message if you take it too literally!
There are so many negative influences in our society. Parents really have to watch out. I am glad you are being so conscientious! Visiting you from WOE today. Nice to meet you!
Don’t beat yourself up over this. From everything I’ve read over the time I’ve been reading your blog, I am certain that you are a very committed, careful, loving and sensible mum. I have always believed that something like this cartoon is a God-sent opportunity for a chat about something real with a child. Better to have that conversation with him at home, before he is confronted with something like this outside, at school or at a friend’s house.
Dear friend,
Great points here. I admire you for this.
What a wonderfully conscientious Mom you are.
Says the Grandma letting her Grandlittles watch Scooby Doo so she can catch up on blog work.
Sigh.
I really admire the way you live your life and raise your son!
You are such a neat person!
Thank you for linking this!
A+