My mom is like my son. I never put that together in my mind before my mom got sick and the doctors found cancer in the her pancreas. Now as I spend time helping to care for her, I can see it. We had wondered how we ended up with an extrovert who has always wanted to do things his way and in his own time.
My mom was always so independent and busy before she got sick. There was always some project she was having done on her house. Always some ailment she was trying to find out if she had. If there was a bus trip to Richmond, Virginia or just to the mall she was on the bus heading there. Rarely would she call to ask me to take her anywhere. She wanted to do it on her own without my help.
Now she can take the few steps she can with assistance and can feed herself, but many of the things she needs done have to be done by others. Nursing assistants help her dress and get out of bed. Collecting her mail, paying her bills and dealing with her doctors are some things my sisters or a do for her.
Still she wants to have control of her life! She grabs the control she has uses it as often as she can. Mom tries to roll out of her bed to get free of it. (Unfortunately she has gall bladder drain that doesn’t like to join her. We have had it replace several times.) She has done it so often that her bed is now on the floor and a thick pad catches her when she exits her bed. She tries to wiggle out of her wheelchair. When you ask her to promise to stay until someone can help her get up, she slyly smiles. She can’t make that promise; because the next time the thought comes to her she will impulsively try again.
Mom gets frustrated and even angry when things don’t come easily or her desires aren’t given into easily. Things like go get the car and take me on a trip are just not possible. Yet she would love for me to put in the car and go. When I can’t, she tells me to leave her alone. Well that is possible, it just doesn’t happen. It can’t happen. The time I have with her is precious and limited.
When I head home I watch my almost six year old struggle to master things that take time to grasp or learn. He gets frustrated and sometimes angry. He doesn’t want me to do things for him that he thinks a big boy should do by himself. Unlike my mom he makes promises with that sly smile that he thinks he plans to keep yet that impulsive nature of his will challenge him to break.
I love to watch them together now that I can see how much they are like. They are like two peas in a pod in so many ways.
Deirdre Smith writes/owns JDaniel4’s Mom. After twenty years as a elementary school and technology resource teacher in Northern Virginia, she became a stay at home mom in upstate South Carolina. Her blog features ways she and her 5 year old are exploring learning, crafting, creating healthy meals and living life to its fullest. Deirdre can also be found on her blog’s FB page. You can also check her out on Google+.
Deirdre Smith writes/owns JDaniel4’s Mom. After twenty years as a elementary school and technology resource teacher in Northern Virginia, she became a stay at home mom in upstate South Carolina. Her blog features ways she and her 5 year old are exploring learning, crafting, creating healthy meals and living life to its fullest. Deirdre can also be found on her blog’s FB page. You can also check her out on Google+.
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They say the nut don’t fall far from the tree. I bet you are more like her than even you know.
Prayers for your family, especially your mom.
Sometimes either I or my hubby will be complaining to each other about some frustrating aspect of the children and we will say to each other, “You know where that comes from, don’t you?” Turns out we are more like our kids than I always realize.
I have been praying for you and your mom.
I admire my daughter who works in an elderly cARE HOME. i hATE ( i HATE LITTLE) that some elderly people revert to being child like and in some places it can be so degrading .
Big prayers for your family
I’m so sorry she’s ill.
My grandmother is 100 and I’ve never seen such spirit and will. She finally had to live somewhere else to be cared for. She was told that if she couldn’t walk, she’d have to eat in her room instead of in the cafeteria with her friends.
It took her a half hour but she walked all the way to the dining hall.
I’m so sorry about your mother. It’s so hard to watch them get older and weaker… let alone take care of them and your own family. My father is ailing and he is the same way. Wants to be in control, wants to do things his own way. You’re in my thoughts!
My daughter is very much like my mom, and my youngest son is very much like his dad’s dad. It is fun to see those things unfolding when we catch them. 🙂 I’m sorry to hear though, about your mom’s health.
I’m so sorry about your mother.
I understand her struggle, it’s hard to let other people help you when you have always taken care of yourself…
It’s interesting that you can see your son in her. Genetics is an amazing thing!
Your Mom sounds a lot like the way my Mom was…”I’ll do it myself.” When they’ve always been so independent it makes it so much more difficult to watch them struggle. With cancer there’s no control over the situation. As we say in this house (pardon my French) Cancer sucks. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Keeping your mom in my prayers. Such a sweet post, I bet they are more alike than you think. 🙂
We aren’t sure yet who Boogs takes after but he has ALL KINDS of personality. How neat that you see your mom in your son.
I think it’s wonderful that you’ve discovered that your mom and son have common traits. This may give you added patience when you try to help them.
I bet one day JDaniel will be glad to know how much he is like his grandma. Keeping you all in my prayers.
It is funny as time passes the more you see similarities.. With me, I am noticing more and more I am like my mom.