JDaniel slept very little at night. He seemed to want to nurse all night and sleep all day. So, I was up almost all night and tried to sleep when he sleep during the day.

Diapers were quickly filled and changed due to all the nursing.

He loved to be sung too. I sang him every church hymn, show tune, and children’s song I could think off.

He had gas a lot so; I patted his back for hours.

I was making tons of mistakes as a first time mom. During spare moments I read articles online with my husband at my side to try to weed through the good and bad advice.

Mother’s Day

My mom lived in the same town we did and I knew we were going to need to celebrate her motherhood along with my own. I made arrangements to go a Chinese restaurant, because she wanted Chinese food. I asked her about the best time to take her and she mentioned lunch time would be great.

It turned out to be a bad time for JDaniel. He wanted to be held the whole time we were at the restaurant by only his mama. He won’t let my husband or my mom hold him at all. After that was established as the way it was going to be, they went for multiple visits to the buffet and relished the great selection of foods they were eating.

What was I doing? Well, I sat in a vinyl booth holding the strong willed yet lovable baby that had allowed me to become a mama waiting for my husband to return with my lunch. Then I tried to eat while my son stared up at me with his bright blue eyes plotting when to cry next. The thought that was flying through my head was why wasn’t enjoying Mother’s Day as much as my husband and mom seemed to be.

During the car ride home, I felt frustrated and slightly bent of shape. Mother’s Day didn’t seemed be about me. In fact it seemed to be about every mom except me.

Far From the Perfect Gift

I did get a Mother’s Day gift from my husband and JDaniel that was supposed to show me that I was special. Instead of making me feel cherished it added to my frustration. My wonderful husband decided I needed an electric toothbrush for Mother’s Day. It would save me time and effort. He loved his and decided I would love one too.

It was a wonderful thought. It just didn’t go over well.

Gaining Perspective and Questions

By the end of the day I was sending frantic prayers to God. I desperately wanted to enjoy the final moments of Mother’s Day and not dwell on my perceived disappointments.

In the quiet hours before midnight holding JDaniel in my arms and trying get him to go to sleep I received an answer. It came in a series of questions to ask myself.

What did I expect from Mother’s Day?

Had a shared my expectations with my husband?

Beyond taking my mom to lunch had I shown her that she was cherished?

Did my husband have a gift ideas shared with him so that he would have an idea of what I would like?

Had I shown appreciation for the gift he had selected?

Didn’t having a perfect yet ornery baby in my forties make everyday Mother’s Day?

I went to sleep that night pondering these questions along with praying for JDaniel to sleep.

Second Year Better Than the First

The following Mother’s Day I did a much better job of communicating with my husband about Mother’s Day. Somehow knowing that I had shared what I wanted and hoped for made it a much better day.